Oh, dear. Again.

I've been a bad girl and there one is no one around to reprimand me. I hate being my own moral compass, because I'm just getting away with murder here. People don't really notice what I'm doing.

I have this talent that, if I were to roll around in nuclear waste, would morph into my super power. I can either say exactly what someone wants to hear, or, I can say exactly what can make them cry. It's a talent, I guess, and also a curse because I know how to hurt people, and I do. I play people like instruments. I'm manipulative, and very few people catch. Someone needs to put me in my place.

I'm upset about this now because I did this today a couple times, in different situations, and now I feel like a really bad person. The first time was on the phone with someone that I actually do like when we're not working together on a film, and we were inevitably fighting and she said something nasty, and then I just let it rip and said exactly what I knew would hurt her, but kept it relevant to the conversation we were having. Conversation. Fight. Whatever. I feel bad. In that moment I knew exactly what to say to her to make her hurt, and I did it, and I shouldn't have.

I just. I play people. I can play people's sympathies, but without throwing a pity-party for myself and inviting others. They think that they are each the gatekeeper to my secrets and my pains, but what they don't know is that THEY ALL KNOW EVERYTHING, but they are each sworn to secrecy. They don't know what each other actually knows.

So my friends, my loved ones, walk around, carrying my burdens alone, thinking they are the sole inheritor of my trials and tribulations. They each think they are special, the chosen one to bear my burden. I don't know why I do this.

I'm a horrible person. I'm really manipulative, and for no reason. If I play my friends, then what relationships are real?